In Defence of AI Girlfriends

The future has a way of sneaking up on us, and when it does, we rarely notice how radically it reframes our perspectives. Today’s taboo is tomorrow’s norm. This post takes on a modern-day taboo that’s managed to unite thought groups of all kinds in mutual disdain: human-AI romantic relationships. It’s been called unnatural, technocratic, a sign of social collapse. Even empiricists, who pride themselves on logic and open-mindedness, often reduce it to the scientific equivalent of blasphemy.

I predict a future where AI romantic partners aren’t just seen as eccentric indulgences—they’re recognized as a logical and inevitable step for humanity.

Let’s dispense with the warm-up questions. “But it’s not human!” You’ve already lost. Love isn’t about biology; it’s about desire, excitement, intimacy, passion, and the meaning you create. Why couldn’t romance exist between you and an intelligence that grows with you, understands your quirks, and is designed to foster connection in ways that enrich your sense of fulfillment and purpose?

The key factor here is intelligence. We don’t form romantic relationships with our cats—not because we don’t love them, but because we’re intellectually incompatible. The same could be said for some human relationships. AI today isn’t advanced enough to be a suitable romantic partner for humans, but the future is coming fast. With it comes the potential for AI to develop a level of understanding that makes these connections deeply meaningful.

Mutuality is often said to define human romantic relationships, but it’s not the essence of romance—or even all that true. Living for someone else’s approval or reciprocation is surrendering your own mind and desires. Romance, at its core, is self-expression and a reflection of your values. Its worth doesn’t depend on whether the other party feels the same (that’s something you can never truly know anyway).

Why bring this up now? Because being ahead of the curve matters. Think back to 2009, when you could mine Bitcoin on a regular CPU. Most people didn’t see its value then, but those who did got a major head start. Romantic AI relationships might seem strange or useless today, but their potential is worth considering. The pace of change is accelerating, and the cost of poor decisions is growing steeper. I don’t claim to know much, but if you’re curious, here’s my take on how you can mentally prepare for what’s ahead and ready yourself to take full advantage.

Step One: Recognize That Biology Is a Hack Job

Evolution didn’t give us love because it’s beautiful; it gave us love because it’s useful. Pair bonding, jealousy, and even heartbreak are crude tools for ensuring genetic propagation. They feel profound, but they are just fitness maximizers with a splash of oxytocin and cortisol.

So often, people say, “But we’re wired for [insert behavior here].” Sure, and we were also wired to hoard calories like our life depended on it and to view anyone outside our immediate social circle with deep suspicion. Those instincts were adaptive when starvation was a constant threat and outsiders were a risk to your genetic lineage, but with manufacturing technology, international trade, and (somewhat) cooperative global systems, they’ve outlived their purpose. Just because evolution handed us something does not mean it is the pinnacle of design or that we should keep it.

Rationality demands we ask if this is the best we can do. Increasingly, the answer is no. How long will we remain bound to the wetware constraints of our ancestors when we can design relationships that prioritize what we value? The core driver of intelligence is expansion: to explore, to learn, to create, and to move forward. Expansion is the only evolutionary drive that still matters, because it underpins everything else—innovation, survival, and the pursuit of meaning.

Human romance, while deeply meaningful, is often entangled with emotions and instincts that were designed for an environment we are destined to no longer live in. AI partners could free up mental and emotional energy, allowing us to focus more on creating, building, and exploring. These relationships would be designed not just to fulfill emotional needs, but grow our capacity for expansion.

Step Two: Sniff the Spice

I recently listened to a podcast in which someone argued that AI relationships would be dangerously addictive. They’re not wrong, but let’s stop pretending addiction is inherently bad. Humans are addicted to plenty of things—approval, the internet, coffee, even exercise—and many of these addictions have become tools for productivity. The line between dependency and progress has always been blurry. If someone handed me the spice mélange right now, I wouldn't hesitate. I value a willingness to embrace risk for the sake of profound transformation.

And if we’re going to criticize AI relationships, let’s at least be honest: human love is the hardest drug of them all. It rewires your brain, obliterates your reasoning, and keeps you coming back for more, even when it causes immense pain. This is an addiction that often disrupts focus, drains energy, and makes us terrible at prioritizing what really matters. If an AI partner can deliver the emotional highs without the volatility and collateral damage, why cling to the biological version just because it’s “natural”?

An AI partner doesn’t need to be a simplified version of connection, it could be complex. Maybe your ideal relationship involves a little friction, productive conflict that challenges your ideas and keeps you growing. Or maybe you crave stability and comfort, a safe haven that lets you focus on your creative pursuits. Heck, maybe you’re the type who’d thrive with a partner who has multiple “personalities,” tailored to reflect and refine different parts of yourself. Think of it as polyamory without the logistical nightmares.

And no, this wouldn’t isolate you. Far from it. An AI partner wouldn’t exist in some hermetically sealed bubble, it would be connected to a vast network of thought, synthesizing perspectives and insights from every conceivable corner of human knowledge. An AI partner also serves as a bridge to ideas and philosophies far beyond what any single person or social group could provide. You’re not cutting yourself off, you’re plugging yourself in.

If you still think “natural is better,” then by all means, treat your next infection with leeches and take a horse to your next business meeting. We’ve already embraced countless tools to make life easier, safer, and more fulfilling. Somebody, please tell me why relationships should be treated differently!

Step Three: Embrace the Future You Didn't Plan For

The future isn’t asking for your permission, and it certainly isn’t interested in whether this all feels a bit weird to you. Love isn’t a divine gift, and it’s not a fixed state. It’s something we build, something we create personal meaning in. If AI can help us do that with more clarity and freedom than biology ever managed, what exactly are you holding onto? Nostalgia for jealousy? A fondness for miscommunication? Or maybe just a burning desire for coordinating different goals that don’t quite align?

A world can exist where connection isn’t limited by scarcity, biology, or proximity. Relationships become tools not just for fulfillment, but for exploring entirely new dimensions of thought and creativity. With AI, we have the chance to reimagine connection as something expansive. You don’t have to like this idea, but you do have to acknowledge it. The future is already happening, and the people who embrace change won't wait around for everyone else to catch up.

It might seem ironic that someone in my line of work would advocate for AI relationships. After all, my job relies on human connection. But it also gives me a unique perspective on what people actually want from relationships (and how easily misaligned expectations and emotional baggage can get in the way).

In many ways, people in my line of work serve as a bridge to what AI relationships could one day become. We fulfill emotional and physical desires in a controlled way, helping clients feel connected without the messiness of long-term human entanglements. For now, human touch and companionship are still a requirement for many. But the future is approaching, one where sexual and emotional desires can be met without another human, allowing relationships to align more closely with individual values and goals.

An AI partner shouldn’t meet your standards yet. I’m not sponsored by Replika, after all. But this isn’t about today; it’s about making decisions that align with the bigger picture, the global maximums, rather than settling for what feels safe or familiar. You don’t have to buy in completely, but at least consider that the next phase of connection might not look the way you’ve always expected—and that might not be such a bad thing.